


A Police Matter

by flappergirlsfolly



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Mild Language, Police, Whoops so does Jon, Ygritte is amazing and I love her, parks and recreation - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2930195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flappergirlsfolly/pseuds/flappergirlsfolly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very Parks and Recreation Throbb AU</p>
<p>Plot taken pretty much directly from the episode 'Stakeout', wherein Robb comes to collect his protégée from the cells, falls a little bit in love with a bashful cop, and Ygritte is the most wonderful scourge of the precinct.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Police Matter

**Author's Note:**

> This was roughly cobbled together, apologies for any grammar mistakes.

“Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.”

“Dude-“

“Don’t _dude_ me.”

(He knows Jon is raising his brows at him, but doesn’t pay any mind as he forges his way over to the car)

* * *

“Uh, can I help you?”

The station is extremely quiet- so quiet he can hear the nattering of officers in the break room and the ticking of the clock on the wall. That is probably what unnerved the ~~cute~~ guy at the desk- Robb bursting in the door and standing lost for several moments.

Then Jon came in from parking the car that Robb had dove out of with the engine running and followed through the swinging glass doors, straight into Robb and causing both of them to stumble.

“Yes you fucking well can!” he shouts, storming to the counter and slapping both his palms on the desk.

“Er, calm down, mate.” Jon mutters.

“I came free my friend- shut up, Jon- who has been incorrectly taken into custody.”

The guy looks at him for a long moment, and scratches the back of his head with a pencil.

“Um, who’s your friend-?”

“My protégée, Olyvar Frey.”

“You have a protégée?” the single occupant of the waiting room asks, a woman who is cuffed to a gas pipe and calmly drinking tea from a mug with a large blue _‘Y’_ printed on it.

“Is that the guy who told me he was descended from kings and so he had the right to smite me?”

“He’s had a lot of candy.” Robb tells him evenly, at the same time Jon covers his laugh with a cough.

(He lashes out at his brother and kicks him)

The guy (his badge says Theon) types stupidly slowly on the computer and then shuffles through some crumpled pieces of carbon paper.

“Uh, yeah, he was arrested for breaking into a van.”

“I know what he was arrested for!” Robb all but shouts in one long breath. In the reflection of a photo frame, he can see how dark red his face is, as the vein that looks like it’s about to burst in his temple. “It’s _my_ van! He wasn’t breaking anything! We were staking out my sister’s date, and my other sister and her stupid boyfriend showed up and I went to make them go away, and when I was chasing them off Olyvar got locked out and then I came back and Jon saw him from his living room window- he lives next to my sister, which is ironic because they don’t actually get on- and thought he was a creep when he was trying to bust his way back in and called you lot and then you came and arrested him!”

“We haven’t arrested a Jon tonight…”

“YOU DIDN’T ARREST JON! YOU ARRESTED OLYVAR.”

“I’m Jon.” He pipes up, cuffing Robb’s shoulder with a tentatively calming hand.

“Dude, you’re ageing yourself ten years per minute.”

“THAT’S BECAUSE OLYVAR HAS BEEN ARRESTED, AND THIS GUY TYPES LIKE RICKON READS!”

“Um, I’ll go see what I can do for your friend.”

In a fit of petulant frustration, Robb swipes a pamphlet rack off the desk and glares at his new mortal enemy’s departing form.

Jon’s hands on his elbows drag him backwards and deposit him in the chair beside the weird fur vest-wearing lady.

“Okay, just sit there and try not to hyperventilate or anything.”

The girl lets out a sharp crack of a laugh, and they both side eye her slightly, before Jon hurries away to scoop up the scattered pamphlets.

“I still can’t believe you have a protégée.” She observes.

“He thinks he’s the Louis the Sun King reincarnated. He’s fucking weird.”

“Yeah, well he’s someone’s protégée. What do you expect?”

“I’m Robb, by the way, from the Parks and Rec department. That’s my brother Jon.”

“I’m her Grace, Dark Lady of the Dawn.” She sips her tea and fidgets with the red and black tartan print of her legging-trouser things.

“That’s our resident Ygritte.” Theon says, re-emerging.

“Six nights a week!” She taunts and Robb leaps to his feet, flying across the room.

“Are you going to let him out?”

“I’m afraid your friend was extremely rude to an officer and attempted assault-“

“Did he do that Matrix punch again?”

“The what?”

“He tries to get the other person to do the dodge, so he jumps in the air and swings over their head, but he’s unbalanced because one leg is slightly longer than the other and he falls over and it’s just embarrassing.”

“Right,” Theon smirks and ducks his head, which makes his dark hair fall into his eyes-

“So is he getting out?”

“In the morning.”

“What?”

“It’s standard procedure.”

“Oh my god.”

“It’s old-fashioned medicine! A night in the cells to teach them some respect…” he trails off and gazes in a pained way over Robb’s shoulder at Ygritte who is nattering to a- smiling? What?- Jon. “Until she crawled out of Satan’s butthole and ruined my life and everything the police force stands for.”

Robb can’t help but smile at the hyperbole (he loves that word).

“Should I get my brother?”

“Nah. She’s alright when she’s not being undiluted evil.”

“I don’t see-“

“Hey Greyjoy! Has he asked about your home recorded rap singles yet? Maybe you should tell him about those. Bet pretty boy’d love to hear about your _home recorded_ rap tracks. The ones your _home recorded_ in your bathroom. At _home_.”

Theon pauses with a blank look on his face, and nearly snaps the pencil between his fingers.

“Undiluted evil.” He confirms, and Robb grins.

“I like her.” Robb tries with a positive glow, to the pained look of the guy opposite him. He’s about to ask him about the home-recorded rap singles, when his phone rings, and he shrinks in embarrassment at the noise that blares out of it. (Bran changed it to banjos and he does not know how to change it back)

“Oh, it’s my Mum. I really should…”

“Of course! Sure, um, yeah.” Theon shoots him another toothy smile and Robb feels like he’s blushing. “Are you gonna stay here all night or will you come back and pick up your friend?”

“I- uh, yeah, I’ll come pick him up.”

“I’ll see you then.” Robb grins and Theon grins and Robb grins some more, and the banjos keep twanging until Jon comes to shepherd him out of the room (as he does so, Robb can see the phone number scrawled on his palm in blue biro).

“Hi Mum,” he answers, looking back at Theon before the doors close and Theon is glancing after him.

Jon starts the car and rolls his eyes fondly at Robb (who can see him, even though he’s watching the precinct window by the foyer in the window’s reflection).

“That was a fucking train wreck.” Jon mutters, but Robb is not paying attention.


End file.
